I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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