he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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