but the lizard people decide everything anyway
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
