Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
