they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
