just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
