Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
