I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize