he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
