this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Green mimosas i think yes
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I deserve this hangover.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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