Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize