we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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