...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i've created a new STD.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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