if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
