yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
