At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
