youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
