No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
