I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
