those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
