I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
