My nipple is on Facebook.
i think my tv is drunk
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
