Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
