I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
