Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
