I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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