Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
