piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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