I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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