Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
