she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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