wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I feel great
I just peed on a car
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
