even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
