im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
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