I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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