smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
