once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize