I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
