the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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