I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize