He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
