I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
