The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
