Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
