I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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