I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
