none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
