I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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