I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My pussy is not your playground.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
