Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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