how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
