I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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