im having a threesome with these popsicles
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
