we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
