If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
