mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
