mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize