I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
