I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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