apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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