Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
