it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
