Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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