Please, let me fuck your mom
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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