I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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