Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
