I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
