i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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