i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
