bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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