i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
