What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
