fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
