Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
