Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
