and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize