on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
