you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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