So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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