just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
