She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
