If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
