I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
