i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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