How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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